is it possible for one person to supply another with all they need? i think no, then why do i spend a large majority of my emotional time upset by others not "giving" me what i need? is it what i need or is it a want?
who decides what we need and want as beings? is it pre programmed into our hard drive? is it as simple as finding the right remote in someone else and having our personal needs fulfill led by what they can offer?
i feel it is not possible for one person we love to supply us with all the "'things'' we need, be emotional, physical, financial, or companionship.
so then why do i expect so much from someone?
i have tried wrapping up all of me into one being and it turned out highly unsuccessful, so then why do i feel i am going against the grain when i confide in a friend or vent to a coworker?
i suppose in a ideal world where i am comfortable with myself i would in turn require less from others.
september of 2009 i was flying high, i was supporting myself and 4 children, i was happy i thought i was pretty and i felt so alive. now it is may 2010 and i hate looking in the mirror, i am supporting my self and 6 other people and i am failing miserably, and i feel anything but alive.
why the change, where did i go, a year ago i had boundaries, i didn't let people get to me the way i do today, i was who i was and that was that. now i just don't know. have i had unachievable expectations of myself? did i take on too much?
should i even be putting this out there? too late... i am almost positive i am not the only one with self doubt and thoughts of questions upon questions.
where did i come from? where am i going? i know or do i know what i have been taught? do i believe it for me myself and i? not because i have kids but because i care enough for myself to find out.
chasing chelsea has begun
Monday, May 3, 2010
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